My foot is bleeding, my life is murphys law and I can't write all the stuff that happens fast enough

Look I'm doing this real quick. I'm supposed to go to a wedding I didn't plan on going to because of life. But crap happens in my life every freaking day. OK? Now I live in crewworld, wackoworld and disabilityworld. OK?

Now I was not supposed to go to this wedding. And I've been sitting on my ass for 6 months. Now I'm fat in my mind. Nothing fits. I got my freaking hair done last night. I borrowed two dresses from Kowabunga and they both look like crap on me. I'm wearing a freaking suit to the wedding OK?

So now I have to go get my nails done and a pedicure. The wedding is in Fayetteville, NC. I look like crap. I get coffee because I'm a tad behind schedule here. OK? Its the morning. I have no shoes on.

I pour the coffee into my cup and step on glass. OH SHIT! Now, I'm trying to get the glass out of my FOOT SO I CAN GO GET MY NAILS DONE BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE CRAP.

And my husband calls.

"What are you doing?"
"I'M TAKING GLASS OUT OF MY FOOT."
"How did that happen?"
"I STEPPED ON IT."
"Where?"
"IN THE KITCHEN."

AND I'M LAUGHING BECAUSE I WANT TO COME THROUGH THE PHONE AND SMACK HIM.

"WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?"

Here's my thoughts. You're joking right? I have limited time and have to get the damn glass out of MY FREAKING FOOT AND I CAN'T.

"DOES IT MATTER WHEN IT HAPPENED? THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS I HAVE GLASS IN MY FOOT. I CAN'T SEE MY FREAKING FOOT because I'm old. OK? I'm freaking old. I CAN'T GET THE GLASS OUT OF MY FREAKING FOOT."

"Where were you when it happened?" I WANT TO KILL HIM. "I broke glass last night and I cleaned it up."

"Well obviously you didn't clean it up everywhere."

"Well, where were you?" Now obviously he must have broken the glass right? So he knows where he was when he broke the glass. Now he's discussing with me where I was when I stepped into the glass. Does it matter? I don't think so!!!!

"DOES IT FREAKING MATTER NOW? I HAVE GLASS IN MY FOOT AND MY FOOT IS BLEEDING AND I CAN'T SEE THE GLASS TO TAKE THE GLASS OUT OF MY FOOT!"

"Well I cleaned it up." I'm laughing the entire time. "What are you laughing about?"

Course what he doesn't know is I'm laughing because if I don't I'm going to kill him.

You guys thought I made this shit up. this is my life. I still have the glass in my foot. I'm going to drive to get my pedicure and nails done and hope the people who do my pedicure can get the glass out of my foot. I'll get blood all over my car. I've settled down now. I can't see my foot because I'm old. I'll hop to the car.

My foot is bleeding. My life is a mess. I look like crap. Nothing fits. My nails and my feet look like someone ate them.

My mother in law will say to me "looks like you put weight on."
My sister in laws will say the same thing. I'm going to go see my brother in law and get smashed

Trust me. I hate myself right now. Don't talk to me. OK? I'm a tad pissed off. At me and at shithead. I have named the puter shithead. Because you know what? Its the puter's fault I'm fat. Not mine.

Then when my trainer shows up tomorrow, I'm gonna take a picture of him for all of you and beat the shit of him. Then I'm going to start to taking pictures of everything I eat. Because I'm going to have to walk around naked because none of my clothes fit. And who's fault is that? I think you should take some responsibility for that. I was writing for you. Do you feel good about yourself now? Great. Because I do not make this shit up. My life is Murphy's law and I cannot write fast enough all the crap that happens.

This post is a mess. There's lots of mistakes. I don't care. My foot is bleeding. Get over it.

Copyright 2007 Ev Nucci

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