Everything in life is perspective

The other day a young man came to visit me after living in China for almost a year on a foreign study program. He's had a rather challenging life the past three years, but his life in China gave him a new perspective. And he shared his with me.

"Beijing is amazing. However ten miles west of Beijing and I saw poverty that I've never see in my entire life."

"Describe it for me."

"People lived under a bridge, didn't have shoes, lived in clay and stick huts. They were illiterate, never read a book. They were so excited to see an American. Here I am in my $100 dollar Nike's and these poor people can't read a book. It was just an amazing experience."

"We have poverty like that in America honey."

"I know, but I can't see it because we have guns. The difference in China is that you can actually see the poverty there because it's safer. I haven't had access to poverty in America because it's not safe to go into the ghetto is it?"

"No, I guess not."

He went on and describe his trip all over China, from the western to the eastern end, every major city and how much he enjoyed the country, the people, how much he learned, to sleeping on the Great Wall. He became fluent in Mandarin, he said it was the single greatest experience of his life.

I could see how it changed him, how much he grew. But how much more he appreciated the simple things and his gifts. We take so much for granted.

The other day someone said to me,

"You know what it's like to know that your children are all OK."

I thought no I don't. I have a son that I will worry about for the rest of my life and his.

The young man who visited said,

"He sounds better. I notice a remarkable difference in his speech."

For six long years I didn't know whether or not #3 would live. The most recent psychological reports told me devastating news. I took the reports into the school, sat down with the teachers and said I want to double up on homework then added my own weekend work...enrichment to get him where he needs to be.

The Head of Special Education said,

"I know you care about his self-esteem, but his education is more important than his self-esteem and his test results demonstrate that he's not where he needs to be."

"Let me be clear. I do care about his self-esteem, however, with a son at Columbia and one at Wharton I think I'm pretty clear on the education issue. If I could put him in school from 6 am to 10 pm I would, however, that's unhealthy. Here's the reality, your testing did not accommodate his special needs. So I refuse to give your test results any credibility...they are irrelevant."

The only person who is ever an expert on your special needs child is you. But you Mom and Dad better be an expert, which means you need to do your homework, so do it. And if you don't know where to start, check out www.LDonline.com, www.wrightslaw.com, www.fairness.com, or dyslexia, disgraphia, and ADHD. These should get you started.

Everything in life comes down to perspective. You need to be an expert. That's your job. If that means you learn everything about his special needs at 2:00 am in the morning because you work, then that's what you do, because that's what I do.

If it means you are studying special education law at 4:00 am, state code law or learning dyslexia until the wee hours of the morning then that's what you do. Because you need to be your child's advocate for the rest of their lives.

When you have a special needs child you never stop learning. If you do, then you have failed your child. It an ongoing battle trying to figure out what they need. It is exhausting. And nobody gets that except for other parents of special needs children.


Thank You for Being Here. It really means a lot to me that you take time out of your schedule to come by.